Non-Fiction

Rockin’ and Rollin’ on the Boards

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – June 23, 2005 “One thing skateboarding has in common with rock ‘n’ roll-both achieved perfection in the 1970s.” ~Steve Palmer, singer & guitarist, The Setbacks What do you get when you pair up a 15-year-old music fan with his 16-year-old skater friend? You get Kevin Kockler and Craig Wheeler, two […]

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Write and Romance Thee

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – June 16, 2005 You have risen me from the mines of my broodish depths, and the colour of life has taken on a brighter hue. To frame my feelings for you in words is to dull the luster of their intense and chaotic nature, and it implies an emotional order […]

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There Is No Try, Just Do Me

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – June 9, 2005 In a male lover’s hot pursuit to prove his macho man-passion pumping action, he often overcompensates for what he fears is inadequate expertise by taking over and givn’er all night long. But you know what? While you’re fucking her like a superstar, contorting her body Cirque-du-Soleil style […]

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Castratingly Funny

The Ottawa XPress – June 9, 2005 [UPDATE! Pete makes a cameo appearance in the 2005 movie, Greg et Gentillon about two comediens from Aylmer who go to Toronto to make the bigtime, only to have one of the duo join the famous loud rock band, Maximum RnR !] Taking his inspiration from heavy metal, […]

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Heartless Bitches International

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – June 2, 2005 What do you get when you cross a computer-savvy sexy lady and a difficult divorce? A kick-ass website called Heartless Bitches International (HBI) at www.heartlessbitches.com. But hold up. Before you stop reading and assume HBI is just another bitter-girl break-up feel-good sisterhood club, think again. This is […]

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Girls Doin’ It Amongst Themselves

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – May 19, 2005 The Victoria Day long weekend is here again. And I have to ask myself: What does the English Queen Victoria – credited with little humour à la “we are not amused,” wearing a lace cap and symbolizing an age of Victorian repression – have to do with […]

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Rockstars Rolling By

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – May 12, 2005 Shy of being a total starfucker, I just can’t help it: I heart rock stars. Hell, I can’t say I’ve ever ran as many errands about town as I have this month hoping for a chance encounter with big star Howe Gelb of Giant Sand, rumoured to […]

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Wife’s a Bitch

Ottawa XPress, Shotgun, May 5, 2005 I was in the new Hartman’s grocery store in Centretown the other day and overheard some lady bark, “Check the expiry date!” to her man as he reached for the Heinz value pack of hotdog and hamburger condiments. And it got me thinking about bitchy wives and hamburger patties. […]

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A for “Alberta”

Ottawa XPress – Shotgun – April 28, 2005 Albertans have always had a good laugh at us here in Ottawa, I’m sure of it. When both provinces are freezing their asses off in the dead of winter, it’s not unlikely that our Albertan friends and relatives will ring us boasting about serving up a BBQ, […]

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Alberta Comedy Opens a Month of Laughs

Ottawa XPress – April 28, 2005 The anti-PC from Conservative country: Comedian Andrew Grose warns Ottawans to leave their political correctness at home for the Alberta Beef Comedy Tour The eastern borders have been reopened and 600 pounds of Alberta comedy is coming our way. As part of the Alberta Scene that runs April 28 […]

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